Expectations Vs Reality : Ski Diaries Episode 06 ( Hindi )

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IMPORTANT NOTE PLEASE OPEN AND READ THIS

(started from September 2020)
The episodes sometimes may contain my own personal experience through depression, anxiety issues that I go through, chronic constipation, eating disorder, mental breakdowns, some personal confessions and other things that I experienced throughout the time of documenting this…. I have shared the solutions to the things(things that I found helpful)  I have gone through too so it may help the ones who are going through it…if you feel uncomfortable or triggered reading any part just skip it… you may not wanna read or hear something coz you may not be going through it but maybe someone else need these things…at least they’ll know they’re not alone and if anyone shared something in the comments please don’t make fun of anyone’s situation if you can’t help or comfort then don’t waste your energy in typing too just to make fun…I wanna create a secure and healthy environment here where people are here to help each other.... and be there for each other to support and comfort whenever needed...THANK YOU

P.S. ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE AND SO THIS MAY HAVE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS… BUT PLEASE UNDERTAND AND BEAR WITH ME…LOL🤡🙏

ANOTHER P.S. NOTHING IS SPONSERED IN THIS BLOG EVERYTHING IS BASED ON MY GENUINE EXPERIENCES

 

Expectations Vs Reality : Reality not always what you expected it to be ...

Aren’t things supposed to go as you thought they would?

 

 

I thought about something... Something really big and bright...but ek galti kar di wo bright ki taraf badhte badhte... meri life k decisions dusro k thinking pr based Rakh KR... 💔🙂🤡

Dad: jitni haisiyat ho utna hi socho…zyada bada karna apne se nhi hoga…. Nhi kar paogi…Khaandaan me sab kya bolege? KYA SAMJHU MAI YE? I MEAN HOW ARE RELATIVES RELATED TO MY LIFE? I MEAN ARE THEY GONNA PAY OUR BILLS OR THEY WOULD BRING ME IN HAPPINESS FROM SOMEWHERE?LIKE WHOT???

   Wish the words my dad said were something different when I told them about my dreams …wish they were the words for encouragement rather than shattering me and discouraging me… and making me feel pity about my own self…but why did that affected me so much? Like ok coz dad ne bole aisa…but still why did it made me lose my faith in me that I can make it? … aadhe sapne to family hi tabah kar deti hai I CARE FOR YOU ka tag laga k…like baaki sab to ok… but that khaandaan thing doesn’t sit right for me… Khaandaan will come to see you when you are going through shit? Will they come and pay our dues and bills? If I have some talent in me then why can’t I use it and be happy myself instead of thinking about KHAANDAAN…Wish I had the courage to say all this…but then i am the one who’s disrespectful… battameez…

 

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BADHTE BADHTE HOW TO BE A PARENT KAM AND HOW NOT TO BE A PARENT ZYADA SEEKH RAHI HU LOL 💔🙂🤡

 

MENTAL SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING ARE THE KEY POINTS but they are just using “I CARE FOR YOU” jisme “ISLIYE TUM YE SAB MAT KARO” WALA TAG is silent 🙂

 

 

fck it…fuck everything…I’m already ruined…and it’s not their fault…mai kisi ko bi blame nhi kar rahi hu…it’s my fault..quiki jab tak ye sab baate samaj aayi tab tak to poora dhomtana ho chukka tha…WHY AM I SO DUMB??? KAHGHJGDJSJ

  

     But its ok ab aur nhi…ab life decisions would be purely based on what I want and what I think…AND NO ONE ELSE…NOT EVEN MY PARENTS…HAA BADI HO GAYI HU BATTAMEEZ HO GAYI HU…ye chalega ab…khude se regret nhi rakhna hai but…it feels disgusting 💔🙂…aur kuch acha karo to bhi everyone be like oh my godwa ye kya kr diya and kuch bura karo(as per THEM) to bhii oh my godwa ye kya kar diya

  

 

To ye line jab fix hi hai aur end me ONLY YOU are the one responsible for your entire life(coz agar tumhe aisa karna tha to kar lena chahiye tha meri baat q suni? Wala dialogue bhi ready rehta hai) to why should I give a fck about what anyone actually thinks about me?coz the way I actually am to someone change hota rahega but the way I am to myself…wo kabhi change nhi hoga…

 

 

 

I am at that point of my life right now …where I think its ok if anyone calls me selfish disrespectful rude or anything for this type of thinking but I think aise jeena is better rather than regretting about the decisions you took based of people who won’t even face the consequences…

 

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Me right now…

 

I had few metal break downs at this time…but its ok I made it  up till now…hope  I keep  going…💜💜✨✨✨

I really want to go on this day and give myself a tight hug and tell her that she is doing great and working hard to make up out of the mess she’s in…

       And I AM FCKN PROUD OF HER…THINKING AND TALKING TO YOURSELF HELPS… DON’T BE LATE…THINK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW…AND START CHANGING…OK sorry continue…

 

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Even if I was doing something different I should've done it my way... Kisne socha tha Jo ladki school me topper thi WO ek din call center jaise client servicing wali job karegi... wo bhi getting under paid... Socha nhi tha itna zyada DHOMTANA ho Jayega life me...💔🙂💀 I didn’t ever thought I would be living this way...

(if only I took the right decisions before)

 

REGRET LEVEL INFINITY

  

 

Par koi ni...kuch nhi se ye hi Sahi...ye sochkar ab tak kar rahi thi k apni aage ki life khud hi banana hai sabka sun sun k poora dhomtana to kr diya hai already… now I have to think k aage kaise ise sudhaaru coz jo ho chukka hai uske bare me sochkr regret krne se acha usko kaise sahi karu wo sochna behtar hai right?

 

*sighs*but ab Mai ye internship chodne Ka soch rhi Hu...coz aisa lag raha hai k mai jitna kar rahi hu outcome is not worth my work…I am exhausted af at the end of the day…and if I continue… eep down even I know I will get sick if I continue …on day 3 of my internship…my mom said she was worried about me when she saw me at the end of the day and told me to leave  the internship…she said tuje jo b paise chahiye mai dungi itna jaan ghalane ki zarurat nhi hai…you are more important for me…you are more valuable than that shit amount of money…and I almost teared up…(even  when our financial conditions were not that good at this point she still said that and this makes me cry every time I think about it…I’m so grateful😭😭💜💜✨✨✨)

 

 

  But then I still thought abhi kuch b karne k liye nhi …muje adat ho jayegi…maybe 5 months se zyada I didn’t do anything isliye aisa thakawat lag rahi hai…but actually I was convincing myself to keep on going💔🙂💀🤡…the biggest thing I had in my head was internship chod dungi… uske baad kya? I don’t have anything to do right now… i'll still regret... Ab mere pass 2 options hai...1... Continue to work in stress and earn very little or 2...leave the job and end up with nothing again in the end of this month...

 

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(me right now: I was literally ready to burn myself to earn money so I can have something in hand to start over my life …but again at this point I was seriously feeling so helpless like paisa b nhi tha aur kaam kr rhi thi taaki khudko support kar saku and it was hard to find another job during pandemic …hence I was pushing myself… but my health wasn’t supporting me…like mai kya karu mar jau?meri koi feelings nhi hai? Mai kya karu ha kya karu kya karu Jhkjhgdhzgh wtf am I typing? Fjhdghljxi sorry continue…)

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Next day morning...

Maine internship chod Diya LMAO...😂💔 Reason janna hai?

 

Next episode>>>

ALSO

 

Remember this?

 

Edited after some weeks…

It wasn’t coffee lol…I’ll find later…I still have coffee now…

I got the answer now LMAO

Next episode>>>

 

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Comments me batao muje how you are feeling or about anything you wanna share with me…you can dm me on instagram too…I will try to answer everyone before I go to sleep every day… coz by being there for each other may solve many problems…we can solve it together💜✨

You are precious✨...you are strong…✨💜BORAHAE…💜✨

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